Strangeination’s Weblog


I am myself a personality of three
April 15, 2008, 2:43 pm
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I am myself a personality of three,

One gifted, one gutless, and one happy to be.

I find that my mind switches aimlessly about,

From enthralling, to joyful, to perpetually in doubt.

 

            The bright lights and big rigs that inhabit this highway half way house will soon fade into the distance along with the rest of the many miles that she’s covered. The little poem rings over and over again in her mind as she reminisces about the spot of luck she found while paying for her Fritos and Lemonade. A lanky, balding man had been eyeing her as she approached the counter. She could smell his road tested scent and imagined the possibility of stealing away to the unkept bathroom and having sex with him in the most awkward way. Her head banging against the tile and balancing her flip flops on the piss wet floor. She could live with this, in fact she welcomed it, and when they were finished she did not feel better.

            Another 330 miles until the next pit stop. The book on tape that she had been listening to came on with the turn of the key. ‘The Pursuit of a Happy Life, Chapter II, Accepting the Things You Cannot Change. You must learn to accept yourself before others will accept you, and you must not condemn yourself, but your actions…” She would finish Chapter V before the sun began to rise over the hilly landscape she now found herself traveling on. She was getting closer. The ocean still to her East she would soon be in a more mountainous region. It was here that she was to be married. She had picked the most pristine location and as her new mother in law had put it “the closest spot to God in the whole town.” The bridesmaids’ dresses and grooms coats were surely pressed and ready to be filled. The flowers were in the cooler along with the cake and various appetizers for the reception. There was nothing that hadn’t been thought of. It was to be the most glorious wedding.

            “Fear is simply a way of doubting your own abilities.” She turned the car off and put her shoes back on. The gas prices had risen with the altitude and she was still 26 miles away from her Happy Life. She topped off and made her way into the bathroom. The tile was mint green and she longed for the pastel yellow that had come before. She sat without worry of a seat protector and didn’t wash her hands. She brushed her messy hair and tied it up pretty with a sash. She applied her lipstick, eyeliner, and blush and then left.

            “You cannot let Fear stop you from doing the things that you want to do. One must overcome the things that are thrown at him not hide in the shadows…” The tape began again and she shifted into first gear. The long road was now behind her but there was still 26 miles to go.